So Twitter went down yesterday. Amazing. In one morning of non-functionable chaos the site’s breakdown generated more buzz around offices and message boards than Bill Clinton’s masterful negotiations to bring Current TV’s two journalists back from North Korea or the death of iconic filmmaker John Hughes.

Feeding the monster of Twitter’s temporary ineptitude was the fact that no one could talk about it on the platform such conversations were made perfect for: Twitter.

Yes, folks, the truth herein is that there may be no greater avenue for talking about Twitter being down than Twitter.com itself, which probably meant that the entire tweetin’ community was sitting around their computers, hitting “refresh” and waiting until they could go back to tweeting about how nice it is to have Twitter back.

If you’re like us, and you’re a tech-savvy company that’s got people tweeting this way and that throughout the day about any idle musings we may get into, you’re probably wondering the same thing we’ve been thinking about for the past 27 hours.

Who would do such a thing?

Well, our team of experts (and quasi-experts) has compiled a list of potential evil-doers who are likely to blame for hacking into the system and shutting down this Twitter tool we’ve all grown so fond of. Without further ado:

Perez Hilton

Of course! Twitter’s been this guy’s Achilles heel for the past few weeks since he got himself into a load of trouble with the guy managing the Black Eyed Peas. Sure, Hilton tried to remedy the situation, but he’s been taking all kinds of heat of late for his antics that fateful night when he tweeted for someone else to call 911 for him. In crisis mode over his inability to wash the slate clean, the only plausible solution was to feed Twitter’s servers some of his toxic hair-dye.

Britney Spears

Uh, hello?! Whether she’s willing to admit it or not, Britney’s been consumed with fame since she was the age of ten, and there is no way she’s gonna let some white-trash Iowa hick like Ashton Kutcher go out and get more followers on Twitter than her. That’s just ridiculous.

Twitter

Yes, the beast itself. Now, obviously, the question you must ask is, why would Twitter knock itself out of the game? Wouldn’t that be kind of counter-intuitive? Uhh, yeah, until you check the stats and see that Twitter itself has fewer followers than Ellen Degeneres. Total travesty for the Tweet-hub; the only solution is to knock the whole system off its handle.

Swine Flu

It’s already knocked out all the high school sporting events in Texas and half of the mass gatherings in Mexico. People in Asia are walking around scared for their lives of this thing, and my buddy Shelby was just put on his back for a week because of the H1N1. It’s highly contagious. Who says it can’t mess around with the immune system of the world’s most revolutionary micro-blogging tool?

Your Mom

Yes, your very own mother. Because while you’ve been up in your room tweeting about god knows what, the meatloaf downstairs has turned cold and grown hard as a three-day-old loaf of bread. That’s why she shut down Twitter; because you’ve been late to every meal for the past three weeks.