Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past three weeks, you’ve probably heard about the rash of pirate attacks off the coast of Somalia. Yes, pirates are all the rage again, and they’re a whole different breed from the one’s you’re used to reading about.

Really, the pirates of today are that of faceless legend. We casual civilians of the western world have little idea as to who these looters and pillagers are. That may change in the very near future, as 17-year old Abduhl Wali-i-Musi – the only surviving pirate from the crew that temporarily hijacked the Maersk Alabama and took the ship’s captain, Vermonter Richard Phillips, captive – has been militarily escorted from the sharp seas off Somalia to the bright lights of New York City and its daunting array of court houses.

Everybody's trying to be a pirate these days

Already we know a few things about Wali-i-Musi: cool last name, oldest of 12 kids, used to frequent Bollywood movies as a child, pretty nasty wound on his hand. But, is that enough to thrust Wali-i-Musi into the realm of Most Revered and Fabled Pirates of All Time? Debatable. Here’s his competition:

Captain James Hook

The first thing every American learns about pirates

The Mac Daddy of ‘em all. Whether played by Gerald du Mauerier, Dustin Hoffman or Cyril Ritchard, Captain Hook has always been the most iconic of pirates, guzzling rum and donning some of the finest puffy shirts the seven seas have ever seen. That he had his hand bitten off by a crocodile and chose a boy who would never grow up as his sworn enemy is just icing on the cake.

Blackbeard

Do not cross this pirate

With one of the most memorable and emulated names in all of piracy, Edward “Blackbeard” Thatch sailed the stormy seas of the Caribbean and western Atlantic during what many consider to be the Golden Age of Piracy, the early 18th century. During that time, he allegedly married 14 times, popularized the tricorn hat, and wreaked absolute havoc on the wealthy people of Charleston, South Carolina, by hijacking a ship of the city’s most prominent and holding each individual ransom for a chest of medicines.

Andy Van Slyke

Not a great pillager, but very useful in the Pirate's outfield

Okay, so he wasn’t realllllly a pirate. Nor was he the most well-known outfielder on those early 1990’s Pittsburgh Pirate teams that challenged the Atlanta Braves nearly every year for the National League Pennant. Van Slyke’s has a much better pirate name than Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla, though, and he was much more likely to steal bases than his power hitting teammates.

Jack Sparrow

Aaarrrrrggggghhhh! Johnny Depp running from his admirers

He’s been Disney-ized so he’s funnier than he is treacherous, but the main character from the Pirates of the Caribbean series certainly finishes in the running for Coolest Pirate Known to Man. I mean, the guy got his look from Keith Richards! Unfortunately, Sparrow doesn’t stand a puncher’s chance against Hook when it comes to fictional pirate legacies, but he’s a surer bet to make the ladies swoon.

Shawn Fanning

Does this look like the face of a court-certified pirate?

Listen, here’s the bottom line: tech geeks and computer whiz-kids had no business even talking about themselves as pirates until this guy came around. I mean, he all but invented music piracy, turning Napster into a high-profile phenomena and inspiring a rash of file sharing and illegal downloads that reshaped the music industry forever.

Anne Bonny

Making a pirates life attractive to the fairer sex

All the ladies in the house say “hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Irish-born Anne Bonny moved to the Bahamas with her husband at some point between 1714 and 1718 and got tied up with Calico Jack Rackham, a well-known pirate with whom Bonny had an affair. Ol’ hubby got angry and demanded that she be returned to him, but Bonny had already fallen to the side of the pirates. She climbed aboard Rackham’s Revenge and spent three years at sea, engaging in combat alongside Rackham and his crew and running amuck between the Caribbean and southern regions of the United States.

Dick Vitale

The most famous pirate in college basketball, Dick Vitale (L)

Not only did the famed college basketball commentator go to Seton Hall (home of the Pirates), he’s only got one good eye; poked the other one with a pencil when he was a kid and lost his vision shortly thereafter. Too bad Dicky V’s never repping an eye-patch when he’s courtside at Duke v. UNC.

Bartholomew Roberts

Roberts: arguably the most regal of the bunch

More accomplished and reviled than Blackbeard in his time, we lose sight of the great Bartholomew Roberts because he was Welsh (come on, who’s Welsh?) and came along before Blackbeard made piracy fashionable. All in all, the man who played Christopher Marlow to Blackbeard’s Shakespeare, captured more ships than any other pirate of the Romantic era (a number estimated at over 470 vessels) while toiling through Caribbean and Brazilian waters. He finally died off the coast of West Africa in February of 1722.

Dread Pirate Roberts

"If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do."

No pirate list would be complete without the inclusion of Dread Pirate Roberts. In the cult classic The Princess Bride, the fair maiden’s love, Westley, is said to be captured by Roberts. Surpisingly though, Pirate Roberts was more than one man. The original pirate had established a lineage of sorts that allowed him a permanent vacation and allowed other suitors the chance to go burnin’ & lootin’ & capturin’. The particular heir who captured Westley took a liking to the man and confessed to him that he was not the true Dread Pirate Roberts, but instead the next in procession. Westley ended up making quite an impression on the stand-in pirate and shortly after “Roberts” term was up, he relinquished his post to young Westley. When Inigo Montoya at the end of the film questions his future, Westly quips, “Have you considered piracy?”